Education, Humor

Nickel-Bee No More?

Arne Duncan, Secretary of Education

Dear Mr. Duncan,

I read the piece today in U.S. News and World Report in which you presented your views on the changes needed in the federal No Child Left Behind (NCLB) legislation.  While some, including this blogger, have expressed concern with President Obama’s selection of yet another Sec of Ed who has never been taught in a classroom, I am still interested in what you have to say about NCLB.

It is reassuring to read your acknowledgment of the problems with NCLB.  I sincerely hope that you follow through on your promise to solicit the opinions and advice of teachers and parents before crafting another counter-productive national edict.

I was most intrigued to read that you have not yet chosen a name for the new legislation.  I would like offer my help, since my colleagues often call upon me when they are in need of a catchy acronym.  I have considered your needs, and I have included some suggestions below.  To keep with the habit of needing an easy way to say every acronym (see the title), I have supplied guidance regarding the appropriate way to say each one:

DODNTINT: “Do, or do not.  There is no try.”  Inspired by the sage advice of Yoda in “The Empire Strikes Back”, and driven by the fact that it doesn’t matter how hard you try only whether you reach the arbitrary goal set for you.  Pronounced “do-don’t-tint”.

DASED: Different Abilities + Same Expectations = Devastating.  Pronounced “dazed”.

FTGWC: Fill the Gap with Children.  Use the increasing number of failing children to fill that achievement gap.  Pronounced “fit-go-wik”.

DMWL: Do More With Less.  A traditional educational war cry.  Pronounced “dim-will”.

DUMB: Duncan’s Underfunded Mandates Bonanza.  Pronounced “dum”.

All of these are hereby protected by the Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 license, but I would be happy to discuss further acronym-writing opportunities with you.

Best wishes,

Mr. Science Teach

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